Godparents
Sydney Morning Herald
Monday June 14, 1993
THE ROLE of a godparent suffers from a lack of definition because what you are asked to do in the christening ceremony is only part of it. There are a lot of other little responsibilities which, through custom, have become part of the job.
Strictly speaking, being a godparent is all about religion, particularly Christianity and the practice of infant baptism.
Only Christians who practise infant baptism have godparents. The Anglicans, Uniting Church, Greek and Russian Orthodox and the Catholics all baptise their children into the church before they are old enough to speak, let alone make any rational decision about whether or not they are going to be Christians for the rest of their lives. Other branches of Christianity, like the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Baptists, disapprove entirely. They say that baptism shouldn't be undertaken until the person is an adult. The Jehovah's Witnesses go so far as to say that infant baptism is a Catholic conspiracy to claim a child as Catholic, before he/she has a chance to make up his/her own mind.
There is some justification for this. According to Professor Gary Trompf, of the University of Sydney's Religious Studies Department, infant baptism(which, incidentally, is not found in the scriptures) was incorporated into the Church of England after the Reformation as a type of recruitment drive away from Catholicism. The newly formed Church of England went so far as to specify that each child should have three godparents, a tradition which has survived.
In their defence, the infant-baptisers say that it is like a cover note until the real thing, when the child in question is confirmed. At confirmation, older children and teenagers make their own decision on whether they want to join the church they were welcomed into as a child.
Trompf says: "Outside certain forms of Calvinism, there's nothing in the church which says that someone can't turn against the church later."
In the meantime it is the parents' job to gently steer the unformed mind in the right direction. And to help them in this task there are the godparents. Father Allan Crawford, the assistant pastor of All Saints Catholic Church in Liverpool, explains: "The actual liturgy of the baptism asks: 'Are you ready to help these parents in their duties of Christian mothers and fathers?'
"So if the parents start running off the rails, the godparents have a duty to tell them to pull their socks up."
But in practice, of course, not everyone who is asked to be a godparent is in any way religious, any more than the parents who asked them. As for sock pulling, Father Crawford says that in the seven years he has been a pastor, he has never seen a godparent take on the overseer's role he or she promised on the day of the christening. Instead, the job implies a whole lot of other duties, which are not technically laid out for the future godparents in the baptism service, but have developed over the years.
Presents, for instance, are not mentioned in the service, but even the priests concede that they are part of the job, starting at the christening.
Traditionally the godparents gave little silver tokens, like bowls, brushes, spoons or a small silver christening mug, which is engraved with the baby's name and either its date of birth or the date of the christening.
The main present-giving ceremonies after the christening are the confirmation, 21st birthday and wedding. In reverse order of importance, these are meant to be relatively lavish and often, again, in silver. Recognition of special events is also appreciated by the parents, although few go over the top in the manner of the first Lord Beaverbrook, the Canadian newspaper publisher. He offered his goddaughter the choice of the biggest coming-of-age party in London or the equivalent money spent on her in publicity. She took the latter and became Deb of the Year.
As even the most devoted godparents will tell you, the relationship with their godchild depends largely on the relationship between the godparent and the child's parents.
Walter Cole, a wholesale T-shirt supplier from Vaucluse, took to the role of godparenting with great relish.
"I felt it was the greatest compliment," says Cole. "I suddenly realised, through this child, how you can adore children and give one's life to one."
As part of what he saw as his duties, he took his godson Jack (now seven)to the park, bought him expensive presents and even dreamed of one day buying him a horse to ride. But when Jack's mother was diagnosed as having schizophrenia he realised that instead of being able to give more, he was in fact powerless to help. And when Jack went off to live with relations on the North Coast, Walter stopped seeing him altogether.
"I admit I haven't done enough for Jack," he says. "I think about him a lot, but I don't give him much. Perhaps when he gets older, I'll be able to become more a mentor, someone to help him in an objective way; the older guy that is approachable enough to ask the things he might not be able to ask his parents, like how to get into nightclubs or pick up girls."
When parents and godparents have a falling out, it can be so bitter that the parents will go back to the church hoping to have the records changed, according to Father Crawford.
"We get people who come and ask if they can have the names (of the godparents) expunged," says Father Crawford. "I have to tell them, just quietly, that the records are sacrosanct."
These days it is almost assumed that the child will be looked after by other members of the family should anything happen to the parents - a view confirmed by a spokesperson for the NSW Law Society: "It's purely a religious role to guide a child until maturity. There's no legal obligation."
'NONA' IS JUST LIKE A MOTHER
WHEN Maria Jenkins's cousin, Mary Camaris, asked her to be godmother to her one-year-old daughter, Eleni, she said she felt "very proud and honoured".
"I know it's a responsibility because some of the tasks that you should do are the same as a parent's," Maria says.
Maria sees her responsibilities as being to "keep in touch, of course, to see how she's going, and also go to church with her on occasions".
Eleni visits her local Greek Orthodox church regularly with her mother, but Maria says she might try to go to church with her on special occasions, such as her birthday or Christmas.
And because all Eleni's grandparents are dead, Maria says that should anything happen to Eleni's parents, she would be prepared to take on the responsibility of looking after Eleni.
The fun aspects of being her godmother are the social side. Maria gives her goddaughter, now 14, Christmas and birthday presents. And every school holidays they plan an excursion with Maria's other goddaughter, Kaliope, 15, who lives in Brisbane. They visit such places as Australia's Wonderland, the Penrith Leagues Club water fun park, or other relations out of town.
Eleni, who is a Year 9 student at Burwood Girls' High, refers to Maria as Nona, the polite Greek word for godmother, and says that she is like another mother.
"The first person I'd go to (if I had a problem) would be my Mum, but if I was having problems with Mum I might (turn to Maria)," Eleni says.
Greek Orthodox members have only one godparent and the ceremony is slightly different from other denominations. The child enters the church in his/her own clothes and during the ceremony is undressed and dipped three times in a bath of water and olive oil, then leaves the church wearing an entirely new outfit purchased by the godparent.
After the christening, the godparent buys a special candle known as a lambatha. Three times after the christening, the godparent has to go to church with the godchild and the parents to take communion and light the lambatha.
Unlike other denominations, baptism and confirmation are the same thing. The child will not be confirmed later, but from the moment of baptism will be able to take the Eucharist the same as an adult.
© 1993 Sydney Morning Herald